lullaby_loo

"what has become <3" couldn't be more beautiful^_^

shes drunk again

i feel like im 10 years old again

i hate the things she says when shes drunk -_-;;

i don't even know how to describe the past little while... its going really well :) i feel confident, happy, pretty, loved and generally at peace with myself - its a lovely feeling :)

seeing him graduate was an amazing moment... i can't wait till its my turn :) it was an amazing day and night and morning :)

going to the eye doctors today - i wonder if hes going to think its a good idea for me to get contacts? i hope so but if not thats ok <3

also getting my hair cut!!! it feels SO great to get a day off in the middle of the week!! i feel like i can get so much done today its amazing!

dinner with my mom will be interesting but im feeling up to it :) <33 .

its one of those days...

this morning i realized that all of a sudden there are little baby leaves on some of the trees. it seems as if all of a sudden there is this new life that just sprouted over night!

they are this amazing shade of yellow green that ive never see anywhere other than in brand new tree leaves - i wonder what you would call that colour, or what it would look like on a shirt or a wall - hmmm i love spring time

EVER have one of those moments, those LIFE ALTERING moments when things just click - no smash, bang, boom, colliding flying ducks or anything just - click. then BAM!!!! life altering realization occurs and your life seems to take a DIFERENT DIRECTION!!

this happened when i realized i wanted to be a teacher and now its happened again!! im so excited and i feel so free and in tune with everything that i just want to do backflips and cartwheels and scream it from the roof tops - I FINALLY GET IT!!!!!!!!! YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY!!!!!!! I GET IT AND ITS GONNA BE GREAT!!!!!!!

this is a big decision that isn't just a little change or a new fad - if its gonna happen right its gotta be a LIFESTYLE change - life as in forever - not just a month or two and im ready for it - i am SO ready!!! it just kind of came to me and im SO HAPPY that i figuret it out...


HEY WORLD!!!!!! I GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im in the box for 8 hours again today :)

i kinda like being out here - no one bugs you and its very relaxing *most of the time* im glad i decided to work here for the summer.

things have been going ok - been having some difficulties but generally they don turn into anything major and i come out ok. that been a couple days now.. last night was pretty nuts - didn't sleep. what a horrible night -_-;;

i guess the good news is im in the box with a good book and a laptop :) the sun is coming in through the glass and slowly warming the box up - its shining off all the dew on the grass outside and spilling into the kiosk - gorgeous, and so relaxing.

i cant help but thinking of you - still all cozy and comfy in bed... sleeping soundly and dreaming :) <3 . hmmm :) <3 .

im not sure i like the beginning

theres so much more stress involved! it would be so much easier to just keep going

longterm itll be better though - long term itll be worth it

again - what do i really want? i know what it is and i know what i have to do

too bad it sucks so hard

this morning started off with

"fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck"

i argued with myself for a bit, felt anxious and angry.

but now its all clear again - hopefully itll stick

i couldn't stop smiling this morning :) everything just seemed so perfect <3 . i can't wait to see what the future has in store :)

step up to the plate

be brave

ask yourself what you really want

is it worth it? 

what are your goals

where do you want to be

what do you want out of life

are you willing to make sacrifices for it? if not, is it really worth it?

think again - what do you REALLY want?

what do you have to do to get it

do the things you need to, they will be hard, they are called sacrifices for a reason. 

they will get easier with time - you have shown this. 

don't over think or over analyze

dont internalize

do what you need to do and get it done

don't be afraid to reach out when you need to - you're not weak

change mind frames and head space when things get to hard - literally get up and move

go for a drive, listen to music, concentrate, converse, laugh

allow time for reflection - not too much or too little

allow yourself personal time and space - take a break

do nice things for you - just because

buy new shoes, take a bath, get your hair done - relax

i wish i had more

i wish i had the courage to do the things society tell me not to, to not care, to feel the way i want to, to stand up to the things that scare me, to face the worst parts of myself, to embrace the best, to say and do what i wanted, to not care about the consequences, to face my disappointments and learn from my screwups.

i wish i had the courage to face myself, to see myself through the eyes of others, and to stop relying on all the things my head tells me i need in order to be safe

there are a lot of quotes on my wall - the two most influential??

"The person you are constantly trying to be does not exist ... but you do, and you are beautiful"

"Do it trembling if you must, but do it"

so this has definately been an interesting couple days haha

i have a plan and its having a bit of a hard time getting off the ground but its going ok :) soon itll be habit and everything will work out :)

other then that, im exhausted!!! and for no apparent reason haha ive only been up for about 5 hours and i could head back to bed ^_^ itll be ok though :) soon i have dance which will wake me up, then class till 10 but itll be doable, all i have to do is focus on getting home after so i can see you :) <3

uh oh...

Dear Self,

Today, you feel amazing. You finished 2 papers in under 24 hours with a migraine, had a great time last night and just are generally really happy :) You woke up this morning and were happy. You stayed on top of things and will continue to :) YOU are amazing and wonderful and beautiful, and today, you can see that :)

remember this

Love,

Claire <3 .

im so happy that we are so happy ^_^

today is a VERY weird day

half of me is really upset and kinda freaking out and ready to break down in a flood of tears

but the other half of my is RIDICULOUSLY happy and excited!! :D i love surprises ^_^

 apparently this is progress

the solution? just keep truckin... great

im at Meaghan's - i spent the night here. sometimes i just sit here in the quiet - i love this house... it feels more like my home then myhouse does - more like my family. there is just something about this house - its so relaxing :) maybe its nostalgia - im  not sure... i just love it here :) i think part of it is the feeling of put togetherness and family connection. almost like the love in the family is a tangible thing you can sense on the air

when i have my own family - i really hope my family is like this one - i really hope my home feels like this